Let’s talk about friendships
Literally played Friends by The Carters on repeat the whole time I was writing this post. Hahaha. I got inspired to write this post because of a couple of things. One, a friend of mine and I were discussing friendships because she’s going through a period of shift with respect to the people she called friends and I couldn’t help but look back on the friendships that I’ve made and the ones I’ve had to let go. And two, I came across this tweet on Twitter that got me to thinking about the type of friends that I have. When you go through a transition in your life, whether you’re starting professional school, or just transforming from young adulthood to adulthood, those friends you had in high school will probably transition as well. This isn’t by mistake. You are learning, growing, and changing and you shouldn’t apologize for that.
You can tell when a friendship isn’t conducive to your well-being anymore. That person has given you signs that they aren’t a good friend or that they don’t align with who you are becoming. The sooner that your honest with yourself and cut them off the sooner you can make room for the friendships and bounds you want to create. Don’t only be honest with yourself but be honest with them as well. Don’t just ghost them or blame your lack of communication on something else. Just straight up tell them that you no longer want to be friends. This is hard. It’s hard cutting off a friendship, especially if it’s one that has lasted for a long time. But if you know the friendship no longer serves you, why continue? Someone struggling from jealously or envy shouldn’t be in your space. End that friendship so you can cultivate friends in your space that do serve you. Keep in mind that some friendships are meant for a season, a reason, and sometimes a lifetime. I say a reason because every friendship I have ended (it’s been a lot cause I have zero qualms about cutting people off) has taught me something. Whether it be about friendships in general or taught me something about myself. Just because you end a friendship doesn’t mean you have to be nasty towards the person your ending the friendship with. Remember that at one point and time the friendship was serving you in some type of way.
Creating a Tribe
As I started to grow and realize the type of tribe I wanted around me, I became intentional in cultivating those friendships. For the first two decades of my life I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and went to predominantly white schools. It wasn’t until I moved to Florida for undergrad that I realized I was missing something in my friendships. Women who looked like me. Women of color. Women who understood the obstacles faced with being black without me having to explain it to them. Because I was intentional about the type of friendships I wanted to have I now have low-maintenance friends. Low-maintenance friends are ones that you don’t have to hangout with all the time, the ones you can go months without speaking to, the ones that want to just chill at the house or just grab something to eat, or the ones who just keep you company while you run errands. With the friends I have now, there is a level of understanding that we have lives and if we don’t talk or hangout it’s not personal and if all we want to do is something chill, we tired. I have the best tribe of friends a girl could ask for. All different shades, all beautiful and all serve a purpose in my life. They make me want to be a better me. And I can learn something from each and every one of them. My tribe gives me life. They hype me, they tell me when I’m wrong so I can level up. They inspire me, they’re always there when I need them. And best of all is their values align with mine. I wouldn’t be the type of woman I am today without them because they’ve pushed me in one way or another. I’ve learned from them and there are times they have believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. I say all that to say, if you find yourself loosing friends while in transition, it’s okay. It’s just making room for the sisterhood/tribe you want to foster.